valentine’s day // a story // life advice

*cue sappy love song*

hello lovelies! happy valentine’s day, galentine’s day, singles awareness day, tuesday, or whatever you might celebrate on the 14th of february.  this is a day to show the ones you love just how much you love them by spending too much money on stuff they’ll probably never look at again! neat-o!

as a lot of you know, i am in a long distance relationship with my wonderful girlfriend, shelby.  it’s been nearly two years now! i wasn’t able to go home on valentine’s day this year, so i was a little sad when i woke up this morning.  i’ve never really been a huge fan of only showing someone how much you care on just one day out of a whole year, but i do like the snapchat filters and the candy.

story time…

i never really thought i would get to the point in my life where i actually had someone to gush over on valentine’s day.  as stupid as it sounds, i wasn’t really ever the “relationship” type.  this is mainly because i was afraid of admitting who i really was, and didn’t want to lie to myself.

i’ve been in a few emotionally abusive relationships in my life.  one was with a boy, and another with a girl.  the boy was my first relationship ever, and the next was the first relationship i’d ever had with a girl.  i didn’t tell anyone about either of them at first because i felt nothing but shame in both situations.  the boy made me feel awful about myself, but i didn’t think i could fight back! he claims it was because he wanted me “to stand up for myself” but to this day, i don’t believe that.

the girl was the reason i came out to my mom.  she threatened to break up with me if i didn’t tell her.  i wasn’t ready in the slightest, and my mother was so caught off guard that we barely spoke for days.  even after, she didn’t want to be with me.  it ripped me apart, but it made me who i am.

fast forward to today… i am in the healthiest relationship ever and couldn’t be happier. our friends and family love us, and we love them right back. she’s honestly and truly an absolute angel.  at some point, i’ll tell the story of how we met in a later post, because it’s super cute and so ironic that it makes me want to cry.

i’m going to take this time to send love to the people reading this that might be in abusive relationships and/or struggling with their sexuality.  first off, NEVER let someone push you into anything you aren’t comfortable with.  if you do something you’re not ready for, whether it’s saying i love you, having sex, or coming out, if you don’t want to do it… DO. NOT. DO. IT. and if they force you/threaten you… LEAVE.  that’s the start of an abusive relationship, and i promise you with every fiber of my being that you will be so much happier in the long run.

next, please learn how to help yourself.  find a healthy way to help you learn to love yourself and everything around you.  this can be through writing, drawing, doing your homework, talking to your mom, going for a run, doing makeup, reading, rearranging your room, or just taking a nap. figure out what helps you feel empowered and all around a better person, and do what you can to bring that empowerment to everything you do.

lastly, embrace YOU! there’s only one you, and that’s the best thing you can bring to the rest of the world. your ideas, your jokes, your smile and your love. bring it like you’ve never brought it before. don’t let this day get you down, you don’t need anyone but yourself!

if you need a place to let it out:

  • suicide prevention hotline: 800-273-8255
  • lgbt talkline: 800-246-7743
  • national mental health association: 800-273-TALK (8255)
  • domestic abuse/rape: 800-799-SAFE (7233)

as always, i’m sending love your way. stay lovely.

love always,

frankie xo

BONUS 🙂 some photos of shelby and i!!

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